I am a writer and a Mommy. I am a devout Jew. These are the most important books I have read: The Tao te Ching by Lao Tzu, Stephen Mitchell translation. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford. Living Inspired by Akiva Tatz. My kitchen would suggest I'm a closet carny, as would my love of Branson.

Monday, January 25, 2010

So Many Pictures and So Many Food Experiences

I have been taking pictures and I have lots of wonderful stories but something happened last week that has just been making me not want to write.

I wrote a note on facebook about my kids and someone didn't like it, and called me up to tell me just how much he did not.

I have been thinking about my cousin because he has a blog so inflammatory I don't even dare link to it here in case I get accused of writing it. It is totally x-rated and geared towards uncovering scandal wherever possible.

I can't imagine how he deals with the hate mail!

Why do I write a blog? The answer is writing practice. I like to share funny stories with people I know on facebook and that's one place I practice writing but a blog with a topic I enjoy thinking about all the time is a place to consistently practice my writing. That's why I do it.

Unfortunately, I have a lot of things that I think about and like to write about that are not exactly food related and I do often write about them here on my blog.

Still, it's not often that I get zinged for something I wrote and usually I don't worry about it but this time, because of who it was, it really ruffled my feathers.

I am trying to move on, so here is my post, maybe I'll get some food pictures up tomorrow. Maybe.

I have been thinking about feelings a lot lately because honestly I have been feeling quite terrible. Not because of anything either. And I know this for sure.

I am the kind of person that feels joyful when the sun shines and feels like a zombie after a few days of no sun. I hate myself and everyone else when I have PMS. When something goes right I am elated, when something goes wrong I feel as if my insides are going to shake apart. This includes my children whining at me.

My feelings are not my friends, in general. I think about it a lot and am coming to the conclusion that I need to start ignoring my feelings wholeheartedly.

The Tao says, when there is no desire all things are at peace and I for one chase peace. It is the emotion I look for and thank g-d for whenever I have it.

I have also noticed lately that I am afflicted with something called, "I-can't-believe-anyone-loves-me." This is very serious and a totally unacceptable state of existence.

I am trying to have compassion for myself so as to not make things worse but I am too irritated with me for not believing I am lovable, not loving myself, not being loving etc.

I am trying. I will never give up. Food tomorrow, I promise.

2 comments:

julie said...

Perk up Amy. For everyone one negative post there are a hundred more from those that love your blog and you! I enjoy reading what you write and love your food adventures. I can't wait for the next installment!

Julie

Sami said...

I like it. Don't stop.