I am a writer and a Mommy. I am a devout Jew. These are the most important books I have read: The Tao te Ching by Lao Tzu, Stephen Mitchell translation. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford. Living Inspired by Akiva Tatz. My kitchen would suggest I'm a closet carny, as would my love of Branson.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Graduate

I was doing better yesterday. The morning is a hard time for me. I am a morning person which means I wake up happy and ready to go - unless something is wrong. This morning I woke up and remembered that I had finished my year long Matt course. True, I flunked, but I still learned a ton.

I learned to be more open-minded. In fact, I learned that I have to listen with both ears to points of view I don't like and don't believe. Really, I learned I have to listen a lot better in general. It seems to me now that I can do more good by listening well than almost any thing else I can think of doing. It is easy to listen when you like what you are hearing, the challenge is to listen with an open mind when you really don't like what you are hearing.

I learned many other things but I don't want to get any more upset than I already am.

What I am dealing with now is loss. There is suddenly a giant gaping whole in my life where another person used to be! But there is really nothing to be done for this.

Although, after all this time, I wish we could remain friends so that I could show I care and give him support and have him in my life - I know this is not possible. I can't stay friends with Matt because I could never be only his friend. He was a hand that was always reaching out to me and always there when I reached out to him. People just don't hold hands with their friends that much.

To end on a positive note, let's hope I keep my good lessons: acceptance, loyalty, open-mindedness, patience, giving.

Untethered forward motion has terrified me every since I found myself living in Japan but I'm not moving to Japan and all will be well again soon.

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