I am a writer and a Mommy. I am a devout Jew. These are the most important books I have read: The Tao te Ching by Lao Tzu, Stephen Mitchell translation. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford. Living Inspired by Akiva Tatz. My kitchen would suggest I'm a closet carny, as would my love of Branson.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Divorce so Everyone Wins

Communication is a funny thing.  It's not easy.  In fact, I would argue that being good at communicating will get you everywhere in life. 

I doubt anyone would say I'm good at communicating but I am learning all the time and it is a top priority and something I work on every day. 

I realized just now that a lot of people have wondered what will happen to me and my kids and yet most people won't ask.  I strangely just assumed that everyone already knew what would happen but I can't explain why I thought that.

It's all settled now so I can write a little about it here. 

Last August I told my ex-husband that I was in love and wanted to move to California to get married. 

He was open to this but had a lot of concerns and we spent the next 9 months working on how this might actually happen.

This week a judge approved the changes to our divorce agreement and after school ends I will move the kids to Half Moon Bay.  My ex is also moving to California.

There are many, many things I could say about the lessons I have learned going through this process but it's much too personal to write here.

If you want to know anything about getting divorced or how to not get divorced or how to have a successful relationship with your ex after divorce you can call me and we can discuss it.

If you want the name of a great divorce lawyer I will give you that too.

The main thing I want to discuss is changing your life.  I don't think there is anything scarier or more difficult than changing your life.

People usually work hard to keep their lives from changing except that's kind of ridiculous and totally untrue.  Life is change.  You go off to school, get a job, get married, buy a house, sell a house, move, have kids (which results in constant change), etc. etc.  Life involves a lot of change.  Every day is new and provides a million opportunities for something different to happen.  You can grit your teeth and avoid all change and try to cultivate a life of constants or you can court change by reacting to things differently and taking different approaches on a regular basis.

The fact is that our lives are constantly changing and if we try to keep them from changing we will feel constant upheaval.  If you embrace change and accept it then it feels more natural.

But let's say you want to make a big change.  A huge change.  A change that seems nearly impossible.  And you think, I can't do this.

My Mom said to me so many times this past year, there's only one way to eat an elephant.  Do you know how? One bite at a time.

This is such a weird expression because a.) why would anyone ever eat an elephant?  b.) gross, I don't want to eat an elephant.

But her point is exactly that.  No one would ever want to eat an elephant but changing your life dramatically is just like eating an elephant.  It seems impossible and pretty much every bite is hard to take and even harder to swallow but you have to do it and eventually you only have two more bites to take and you have done it and it's over.

I guess what I want to say is that whenever you are about to do something that overwhelms you to think about, just decide that you are going to do it and take it one tiny step at a time.

I know this is old news.  Even the longest journey of a thousand miles starts with one single step and all that. 

It's just that huge change will happen to you in life.  It happens to everyone.  This is the way it is to experience life.  So why not sometimes be the one to instigate a huge change? 

Then again, I think there is something amazing about small changes.  I think that you can make a small change that ends up being huge.

I have a lot of ideas for people in terms of small changes that will end up really affecting your life in a huge way.  If you want to know some of them please ask me privately.

But I'll give you one.  Don't get upset with people when you are driving.  Whenever you drive, you will have ample opportunity to witness other people being careless (especially if you drive where I drive) but next time someone cuts you off or isn't paying attention when the light turns green instead of getting pissed, pretend they are your very best friend in the whole world who you love and who is all stressed out and nervous because they are going to a really important meeting and you really want them to have success at this meeting and so you don't mind what they just did. 

I think if you could relax and stay calm and not get upset with other drivers you would see a big impact on your life (also I don't like getting flipped off and honked at so please stop).

Ok, I'll go back to writing about food now.

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