I am a writer and a Mommy. I am a devout Jew. These are the most important books I have read: The Tao te Ching by Lao Tzu, Stephen Mitchell translation. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford. Living Inspired by Akiva Tatz. My kitchen would suggest I'm a closet carny, as would my love of Branson.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

F@&$"(k

I just want to scream. I have gained way, way too much weight and the consequence is pain. Pain in my feet and legs and various other parts. Baby Jamoca doesn't care. He doesn't care if I didn't exercise enough or ate too much, he isn't coming out early.

So I read about how to start labor and one thing I read was to bounce on an exercise ball and move around on one.

The result is I am now in agony because I pulled a muscle in my groin or something.

I am too big and the baby seems to be very big and as I said, I just want to scream - I actually walked upstairs just now, at 2 am and said fuck you to the blinds.

I try to talk myself through this. It won't be long now I say. You are really lucky I tell myself. I think of all the awful things that I don't have to deal with to try to cheer up. Try to remind myself how much worse it could be but I want to jump off my roof. I want to go to the hospital and say uncle. Take him out, I'm done with this.

Tomorrow will be better. I know it.

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