I am a writer and a Mommy. I am a devout Jew. These are the most important books I have read: The Tao te Ching by Lao Tzu, Stephen Mitchell translation. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford. Living Inspired by Akiva Tatz. My kitchen would suggest I'm a closet carny, as would my love of Branson.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Sharing Children

I am lucky.
My ex and I aren't best buddies.  We don't chat with each other or talk about anything other than our kids, but we can talk to each other.  We don't always agree on what to do for the kids and our interests are certainly not often aligned but we can tell each other our concerns without worrying about what the other will say or do.  We try to support each other.

I know people who aren't so lucky.  Some people have an ex who is so angry and hurt that there is nothing else they can see.  They can't hear anything their ex says because of their own violent feelings of disappointment and frustration.

I am lucky because I genuinely trust my ex.  I know he loves the kids and does his best.  There is nothing else I could want or ask for.

And he listens to me.  I'm kind of an overprotective Mom in some ways, or just a Mom who prefers time with my kids over time to myself.  I'm sure it's hard for my ex.  I'm sure he wishes he could start his new family without considering me and forget all about me.  I really understand that and I want to make it easy for him to start his new family as much as I am able.

I have been incredibly lucky,  I always feel like I've failed my kids by getting divorced but I realize that they are lucky too.  They have a wonderful Dad who is kind to their Mother even still and they will soon have a lovely step-Mom.  They have the most wonderful step-Dad who takes such good care of them, being incredibly humble about it.

I feel for those people who struggle with their hatred of their ex, their disappointment and frustration to the point of being blind.

It's a challenge we all face at different times in our lives.  To see the good in people.  To trust people.

Every day I am reminded that we choose the way we see things.  We choose our reactions and we choose our thoughts.

It's easy to get caught up in drama when someone presents you with their madness but it's best to let people wear themselves out by giving no resistance.

I'm trying to practice this path of not resisting.  Giving in to difficulty when it arises.  It feels amazing.

I see people who struggle miserably with their exes out of fear or anger and I wish I could give them the ability to see things with fresh eyes.  To look from another perspective.  See the good in your ex.

See the good.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but I know your ex & I think he's a selfish piece of trash. He has always put his needs above his kids' and everyone else's. There is a reason he's your ex.

Amy Allshouse said...

I have come around to agree with your point of view. It took many tears from my children lately to realize this...