I got some feedback on my post yesterday saying I should put aside my feelings for the sake of my son. And then I did some study last night with my Torah partner.
The book we are reading is very difficult to grasp. The basic concept is that the world, and more specifically "nature" is a mask to hide Hashem. I can't paraphrase or summarize why Hashem does this. It's so complex; just read Akiva Tatz's book and see if you can grasp it.
But here is a concept that I have heard over and again and read about last night. When you are faced with something in your life that gives you pain, it is Hashem whispering in your ear, "now's your chance."
If someone hurts you, for example it's a chance to elevate your soul by reacting with kindness and understanding instead of anger.
I want to be a good person and I think that means being nice to people who aren't nice. But, I also want my children to have the value that family comes first. If anyone hurts a member of your family, that isn't ok. I want my children to have the attitude that if someone is unkind to their sister, brother or parents that isn't someone they want to know. We stick together and look out for each other.
Back to this concept of the world as a mask. Hashem is everything. There is nothing else. Our physical existence and all of the natural world is a mask, through which we can elevate the spiritual world by choosing to act in holy ways.
Every action we take in the physical world has an impact, a reaction in the spiritual world.
As I read this book and try so hard to digest and understand it I find it no coincidence that I have just been to Venice and that tomorrow is Purim.
This is a time when up is down and what was hidden is revealed. Everything is not how it seems.
And I am reminded that one never knows what is really happening beneath the surface of things. The world exists by the grace of Hashem - every moment is miraculous and it is only a lack of faith that leads you to anger when you are hurt.
I am reminded to trust in Hashem, that he reveals things to you in various ways, shows you things you need to see and although it hurts when it is not what you want to see, you must trust that is is for your good and be grateful.